matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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