Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
