you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
