Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
