the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
