Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
