Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
