yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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