Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
