Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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