a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize