idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
