Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
