I want to stick my p in your. b.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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