Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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