We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
