I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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