If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
