She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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