im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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