Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
