So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
