Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
