Just fell off a train. Bad.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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