so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Me too!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
