ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
