i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
