Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
