I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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