I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
