Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
