If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
