he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
