Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I looked at my own cervix.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What a dumb baby whore.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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