? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
