Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
