Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
