ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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