Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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