ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
pray to the hookup gods
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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