there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
