I want to make a zoo with you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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