He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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