haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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