thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
