i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
