Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
