I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
