2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
