i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
