This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
