You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he shaved USA in his pubs
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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