It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
