So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
