No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
