im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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