She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
two words...techno handjob
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
