he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
