Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
they're like a gay fantastic four
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
