I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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