if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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