she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
