dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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