I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
