I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize