I wish I could teleport
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
