yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish you could order shots online.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dicks are not precious.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
