Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
