I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
