maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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