You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
