who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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