Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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