My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
