last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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