how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
