Swine flu. Run for my life!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
