it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
