Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
