He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
