I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
