my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
