I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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