Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
