At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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