either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
