End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
