I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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