I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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