It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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