I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
